The Plight of My Wedding Dresses Part Two
Updated: Apr 21, 2023
Picking up where we left off. They say all stories should have a climax before the (happy) ending. Here’s mine, the namesake of this series - the Wedding Dresses.
Let’s remind ourselves where we’ve been. At the conclusion of part 1, I explained how the perfect storm of a difficult surgery recovery from my #HS and my #weightgain had led me to rethink the pivotal pieces of my wedding style, my dresses. The clothing pieces have incredible significance.
A reminder of the 3 things I learned during this time:
The weight gain (and loss) signaled an onset of old new problems with my #HidradenitisSuppurativa diagnosis.
The weight gain (and loss) as well as my surgery forced me to rethink what I had envisioned (and purchased) for my wedding day.
The weight gain (and loss) as well as my surgery occurred during the start of one of the happiest and most fulfilling times in my life.
Some boundaries here because this is a safe space -
I write with a heavy dose of satire, run-on sentences, and the frequent use of ‘ubiquitous you’. I am sharing my personal experiences in an effort to destigmatize advocating for yourself in your #wellnessjourney
My experiences should not be taken as medical advice and/or a medical diagnosis - please see a medical professional if you believe you need too to obtain medical advice and/or medical diagnostics
If you decide to take it upon yourself to do more research, that’s great, but please remember, I benefitted greatly from #earlyintervention and by having parents with means - therefore what you may read and/or see will not be indicative of my state or anyone else’s for that matter
Lastly, this is incredibly personal for me - for that matter, I’m disabling comments. Words have incredible meaning both positive and negative. If you have praise, please share, promote, tag, etc., if you wish to negate - piss off, that energy isn’t welcome.
So here we go - round 2
“The weight gain (and loss) as well as my surgery forced me to rethink my wedding gown(s).“
This was gut-wrenching - I had lost control over my choice of what I wanted to wear on my wedding day. A choice that was meant to be a reflection of my style, and personality, and mark a really important moment in my life - marrying James. The hardest part? No one took this control from me, my #chronicillness, and by default, my body took it from me. I couldn’t blame my body, because that’s not fair to me. I had to focus on regaining what control I could - it was an incredibly taxing time.
Living with #HS is a mental mind f***. It takes a toll on me, daily. I often get described as #strong, #resilient, #independent, words synonymous with ideally being able to deal with most bumps in the road.
Here’s my secret - I strategically compartmentalize my life.
Whether by design or by influence from my experience with #HS in my formative years - the easiest way for me to deal with things was to stick them in compartments. Doors that didn’t have to be opened unless I wanted to open them. It gave me control over the narrative when the reality is I had no control (well minimal control) over my body and its relationship with #Hidradenitissuppurativa.
Before I dig into how it impacted the wedding dresses I just want to say one thing. Our wedding was beautiful, and at the end of the day, the most important thing happened - I married James.
Our design aesthetic was #vintage, #ethereal, #cozy - we wanted our guests to feel like they were walking into a place that felt like home, with the lighting of an enchanted forest at night, and experience an evening surrounded by nostalgia. And let me tell you, I f****** nailed our aesthetic. Why, because I controlled every little detail about our wedding. The decor on every table - I hand-picked every.single.piece. If I didn’t like what was available in a vendor’s inventory, I got my own. If I felt a floral design looked recycled, I demanded a change.
This same level of control was applied to my #weddingdresses. I was going to wear the first gown, purchased from the designer’s sample sale for the ceremony, and jump into the second gown made by #elizabethdye through the #sentimentalist for the party and traipsing around Atlanta. Both gowns, I thought, reflected my style and personality. A statement I wanted to make.
I’m pretty sure #HS said “Hold my beer, I’m gonna f*** with your vision”, you need surgery, again.
I realize, you likely need a little background on why the type of dress matters so much. When you grow up with this disease you learn things about the clothing you should and shouldn't wear.
Synthetic fabrics? Not good.
Tight, form-fitting clothing pieces? Depends, are they synthetic or do they touch areas that are symptomatic?
Pick your battles wisely - you can wear that bodycon, but at what cost? A lesion a week later exacerbated because of the friction from the fabric? Maybe.
Spanx underneath to make it all look ‘smooth’ or leggings, again maybe? Depends, are you going to sweat because you’re out dancing and wearing fabric that will encapsulate all the moisture?
Here’s a snapshot of my clothing choices so you understand. I have a closet full of white, cotton button-downs and cashmere - fitted and oversized, why? Because I can hide in them. The fabric being natural didn’t upset affected areas as badly. When I was working in consulting I was on the road all the time. I developed a wardrobe that would hide that I was in pain. It would carry me through to my next appointment where the lesion could be injected and drained. My day-to-day, now since I work from home, is athleisure, Lululemon Align leggings, and bras with cotton crop tops. This photo encapsulates most items in my closet - cotton, loose, and never touching my affected areas. Also, not totally sure why I'm adjusting my sunglasses Star Trek style but whatever - look at the scars and how they just get to be, that's the point.
This is what I mean when I say I have #curated a lifestyle around #wellness and #style. My style is adapted and collected over years of experience to give me the armor necessary to hide my bad days, give me sass on my middays, and let me be me on my good days. I applied this or seemingly tried to apply this logic to my wedding dress.
In retrospect, I probably should have ordered both dresses on a rush order 4 months before the wedding. Would have given me the most control over the outcomes of my recovery. But if you’ve been following my blog and read my post about #semaglutide, you’d know I lost those 30 pounds in the 8 weeks before my wedding. I’m a #controlfreak, a #recoveringperfectionist, waiting until 4 months before the wedding to order my gown didn’t fit my narrative, so pivoting to adjusting my wedding style, this was new and necessary because the.original.plan.wouldn’t.work.
A big shoutout before I dig deeper. I am really in love and impressed with the crew over at The Sentimentalist #rememberme. Gabi, Phae, Hannah, and everyone else did an amazing job supporting me and lifting me up. Making sure that I felt like I could still look and feel beautiful, stylish, trendy, whatever you on my wedding day regardless of my size and/or state of recovery was probably one of the few saving graces I had during that time.
James also did the same, he came into the shop with me when we decided it was time to order a new ceremony dress. He paid for it, he advocated that whatever I needed to help me feel my best on our day was whatever he’d do to the best of his ability. This act of support is selfless and unwavering, it is a core part of his character and one of the reasons I swooned for the man.
Now back to the dress. The dress I had originally decided on for the ceremony was purchased at a #samplesale. Now if any of y’all come for me for purchasing something from a #samplesale you can piss off. I love a good deal. The dress worked perfectly for the #weddingaesthetic and it really embodied my personality, or so I thought. I had this dress going into the conversation with The Sentimentalist about purchasing a second dress for the reception - the reception dress by #elizabethdye #customgown.
Let.me.tell.you. I love this #elizabethdye dress. I wore it on New Years Eve. I’d wear it to a black tie event, it is that good. What I was not good with, was the fact that when we took my measurements I was coming in closer to an 18W than a 12. This was April about six weeks into my hellish recovery. I didn’t need to face the music, I assumed I’d just drop what I gained now once I was out of the heat of recovery. Wrong, fast forward to August and the ceremony dress likely won’t work. The one I had envisioned as being the perfect embodiment of my style and personality, the one that I sort of curated the entire wedding aesthetic around.
Here’s the next hard truth, it wasn’t a responsible decision to think I would lose what was necessary, between August and November. I had always planned to have 2 dresses, a ceremony, and a reception. We’d already ordered one from #elizabethdye through #thesentimentalist and we ordered a size 18W - y’all I am used to being a 10, 12 after a girls' weekend, 8 after a stressful work week. The #elizabethdye gown came in as an 18W and went off to the tailors. The panic of my ceremony dress not fitting set in. If professionals measured me at an 18W and the star of our #aesthetic is the size 12, it’s not gonna fit.
I’m on the phone with my #matronofhonor while I’m trying it on, and it doesn’t fit…this is reinforced by my tailor later that same week. Here's a look at the fated dress that never made it down the aisle. Maybe I'll do a bridal giveaway when the gram hits 3k followers or maybe I'll donate it. For now, she's safely tucked away in a garment bag in my closet. If you're wondering how it doesn't fit - take a look at the bunching under my armpits. It means the bodice doesn't fit and we can't zip it up at my low back. The halo I'm wearing it also safely in a box should anyone want it.
James said it was time to reassess the situation. Embrace that I cannot control my body’s reaction to holding onto weight after my surgery for #HS. It’s time to pivot and order a different gown. It’s August 4, my wedding date is Nov. 18th - the dress not only had to be made, but it also had to arrive with enough time for #whiteorchidbridal to work her magic.
I think I lit up most of my # bridalparty trying to decide on the new ceremony dress. I eventually found the #clairelafaye #inbloom gown. I was in love. I let #thesentimentalist know I wanted this dress. They didn’t have a sample in store so this was a risk. I’d be ordering a close-to-made-to-measure dress I had only seen photos of online. This dress is not for the price sticker faint of heart - it was $6k before tailoring and I was ordering it sight unseen.
It paid off, the dress was flawless. Both dresses, were flawless, think Queen Char from Bridgerton because that is how good these dresses were.
In fact, both wedding dress designers, heard me when I said, the fabric cannot brush my underarms to a certain degree. Both dresses flawlessly represented my personality and style in a way that I wasn’t prepared for or aware of, surprisingly. They became the perfect intersection of traditional gowns but with modern styling, fabrics, and touches. The use of old-world taffeta and silk linings, juxtaposed with modern fit and flare. Lastly, the use of color pays the most subtle of nods to being half-Indian since we had AN ENTIRELY Western-style wedding with European influences.
Yes, both dresses had pretty extensive alterations from #whiteorchidbridal. The weight loss brought me almost down to my original size. Yes, the semaglutide slimmed me down and gave me room to spare. The drug was necessary. Had the weight stayed, or increased, my symptomology would continue to get worse and my quality of life would decline.
Neither dress accommodated the mental anguish that came with recovering from another surgery or reliving the trauma of dealing with an area of my body #relapsing with #HS lesions. No amount of #weddingplanning #aesthetic or #planning, in general, could help alleviate the anxiety of feeling out of control of my weight and by extension my health for the better part of a year.
But something that did help that I’d never had before? James (and our fur babies). Hope you like satirical happy endings, James is authoring the conclusion.
With brutal honesty, wrapped in good intentions,
@yasmeenemilia